Memories of Summer Vacation

Summer 2016 (May-June)

The spring semester of 2016 ended in first week of May and before my exams were over, I was impatient about going home. I packed everything and it was ready but exams weren’t ended. I was extremely excited and hurry to meet my family, friends and especially my old grandfather who was bed ridden for almost 7 months after his minor accident (now almost a year). He was healthy and strong in his 70s but few years later everything seems bothering him and making him weak. About his current condition I was haunted and couldn’t live in serenity. Mom and other siblings and especially my grandfather he didn’t think that he could wait for me to get home. As his health was deteriorating and giving him immense pain his hopes were lessen.  And only I could say was please hold a little longer, I am going to be home soon through a video call.  

Nevertheless, I made up my mind to support him and make the best use of my 3 months vacation. I neither try nor apply for any internship and conference. Whereas, almost all my friends and mates are busy modifying their CVs and resumes, some rushing towards printer, while some rush to scan the documents and some busy in interviews. Other junior friends they register for summer courses and some engaged in summer projects. Many emails were unread from CDC although I wanted to try some but I choose my family first. My brain was occupied with hopes and wishes to go home immediately after my exam and start my grandfather’s treatment as if I am like an expert doctor. But the fact is I couldn’t do anything to him even after arriving there. I just assisted him to wash his face, brush his teeth and serve meals. Sometimes, help him exercise once or twice a day. 

In fact, it wasn’t simple and didn’t work out what I planned. Countless troubles one after another kept on mounting at home. My mom, sister, and in-law will be gone early morning to do transplanting, weeding and watering the field. Sometimes they are gone to work for neighbors and stay working for whole day. Only gathering we could hardly manage was during breakfast time. Otherwise, all split into different directions and sometimes I used to fell asleep before my mom was back to home from work.

Sometimes I substituted my mom in looking after the cows and she went for others work. On the other hand, my grandma stayed whole day with grandpa serving drinks, porridge, and flushing pee and feces mostly. I wish I could substitute my grandma as well but I couldn’t. The days elapsed as usual and all summer works such as ploughing field, cultivating vegetables, paddy, and millet plantation were done one after another without omitting a single day even it was a bright sunny day or heavy rainfall. 

I ponder over numerous difficulties we had and its solution but I was left without any answers to my question. I wouldn’t bring a change in that monotonous situation back at home. I was helpless, hopeless, tired and upset. I couldn’t bear the pain that my grandpa have to endure, couldn't gaze at grandma frequently going in and out to throw urine, and mom and sisters with their immense pain working everyday. Grandpa sitting on a bed for months and months, longing to take a sun bath but couldn’t elevate his legs. We neither help him with the wheelchair as his body couldn’t fit in it nor carry him. But he was happy when my siblings and I were near him. He enjoyed listening to our chats and jokes. Children around him throwing tantrums but frequently he was in pain and gets irritated by the children’s cry.

We try to keep cheerful and lively around him but often reluctantly had to leave him alone in that huge traditional house when my grandma had some other vital work. Despite, our rough and tiring days seldom we find a day to chit chat and enjoy meals together. We visited temples and offered butter lamps during auspicious days and few wefies together to refresh ourselves. And the best time that we spent together us during our rituals at home. 

 

 

 By then, the time has already arrived to go back to college. My mom and sisters started preparing pickle, and other edibles for me. Many people came at home to visit me with tea and conflakes, some came with largesse and I still remember their wishes and prayers for me. I don't know whether my presence was helpful or burden to them but I did my best to support them from every possible way. However, I am immensely glad that I could meet my grandfather and thank God for letting me see his face and be nearby him. 

I am grateful to God indeed and I hope he will continue to bestow his blessings. My special thanks of gratitude goes to my cousin Phuntsho and sister Choki for bearing all the expenses of my journey and my uncle for his perpetuate encouragment and advise and making me move forward. Overall, I am grateful to my grandpa for holding it longer and seeing in brighter side. He helped me to walk when I could hardly take a step as a baby. Now, he can count on me to do the same but I am sorry I couldn't be your side all the time. I am extremely sorry for that and I hope he can still wait for me for few more months. Your Zhomo (sister my common name at home) always loves you so much and miss you May May (grandpa) and all family members. Take Care. (

My Angel 

A different kind of an angel that came into my life in fact it comes to everyone. The angel in my life got nothing supernatural power yet so powerful and unique from others. She not only let see this world but tremendously altered my life. The environment that my Angel was living in olden days was in dimmed house and her services were completely pure from her effort. There wasn’t any advance technologies to accelerate and make it uncompleted of her loaded works. She got help from her partner and sometimes from her parents. Her nights were spent on a thin layer of carpet on a hard wooden floor and thin slice of blanket to loveliest son to his parents wrap up us. Her palm filled with red blisters pat over my head. As I lay beneath her arm she warms my fragile body. Some years later when I turned 5 years old, her partner, my dad and loveliest son to his parents was no longer supportive to her.  Due to his illness and he was bed ridden for almost a year and he was in the verge of losing his breath forever. He was trying his best to communicate and gesture to cheer. His dream was to hug each of us but his effort was in vain and pain.

Those moments are agonizing and melancholic memories to me, to my angel and other siblings. She was completely broken and in despair and occasionally she forgot to breast feed our youngest brother who was just a year ago. Her days were like a rainy days as salty tears and sweats drop endlessly. Not knowing how to start a day, no answers for the queries that other people have. She wished to cease her all activities and sleep until her pains get over. But she got no choice, four of us were there not knowing how to console her rather complaining and fighting each other over small cause. At least three eldest sisters were better than us. With their aid the funerals and rituals were over effectively. Heartbroken angel was now backbone of our family. Although she couldn’t send my three elder sisters to school because they were her helping hand but she did for four of us. She put her all efforts and earn some amount to fulfill our needs and wants. Regardless of thorny days, harsh weather and cruel environment she focus on her work from dawn to dusk.

Occasionally, the flash back of that moment lingers in her mind; the moments when she yells for a help, sobbing out loud, moving the cold body to and fro and health workers were helpless. Even the medicine worth of millions dollars have not wake him up from his eternal sleep. Nevertheless, as time heals everything the period of worst phase disappearing slowly. Now, with each passing day, he worries and stress amplified. Though, she was in pain and tired extremely, we didn’t notice a bit. She was constantly working, constantly standing, and no breaks. She hides her grief from us thinking that we might hurt us by her feelings. She gathers all her energy to work harder and saved even a little amount for us. She tried every possible route to produce money. She never let us down; accomplished needs and wants of all seven of us. She understood everything just by gazing at our face. Moreover, she has to run an errand for my 80 years old grandpa and 75 years old grandma.  They are now like a child. They always have something to comment on whatever she does. But I am not blaming them because it’s a nature of our life. At some point we will be the same. I understand them fully. So, my dear angel, my Mom doesn’t lose faith and hope. I know how much you have suffered and how much you endure it so far. I completely understand you, like the way you used to do.

And please hold on to the fact that someday your daughter will brighten your life and take you out of sam-sa-ra.  I am sorry that I am of no use when you needed me the most. I rather increases burden for you. I can only be sorry mom. I wanted to thank you each and every morning and before going to bed. But due to distance between us and numerous complications I cannot thank you. Even then I always thank you in my heart. You know, I would say that you have a degree in finance, medicine, and arts because I am amaze how you manage finance and cure our diseases when we were ill. Amaze to the way you makes our life so beautiful without any colorful paints and drawings. You showed us how to love, care believes and to smile to the world that we can do it. That’s why you are angel of my heart. I promise and I believe that there won’t be a mother like her in this world. I won’t be able to find one like her even in my next life. The courageous and loveliest mother I ever saw. Oh! God you gifted me the greatest mother who played a role of my father as well as her role and tranquility flourished in my family.

1st Phase of My Life 

Last night was agonizing. I couldn’t get the answer why I was so emotional and crying again and again. I was sure that I will be strong and withstand the situation before my decision. But I found myself repeatedly tearing out after deciding. Even if I attend tale or group chat it didn’t help me to cheer up. I repeatedly look up his photos, his voice chat, his facebook page and his wechat profile. I turn off my phone but again after few minutes I found myself typing text to inbox him. However, I controlled myself and scold myself that I can’t do that.

I listened to all the chats that my other siblings were doing in our wechat group. They were talking about my grandfather’s condition who was bed rest for more than a month and now my grandmother is also sick. My mom she is already suffering from leg and joint pain. Usually I used to get so worried to death and I can feel their pain. But this time, that pain was nothing. It seems I was keeping it aside from my unbearable pain. This went for 2 or more days but I felt long time that night. I slept in tears and woke up in tears. The night seemed to last longer.

I woke up the next day early morning and for a moment I thought it was a bad dream. But I saw my laptop kept open, my research paper for toxicology still open and facebook logged in and knew the bad dream is indeed a reality. I made up my mind to forget everything and believe that everything happens for good. But it was excruciating. I missed my class at 8am as my head and heart was too heavy as if I have carried thousand kilograms of weight. My alarm rang at 7am but I turned off and went to sleep again. Later, I regretted for setting alarm as I realize I don’t want to open my eyes. I wish I can be in deep sleep until that pain goes away. But that alarm chases away my sleep and things started coming into my mind.

Whole day I try to keep myself busy doing things one after another but still at times I feel like the sharp and pointed knife tear apart my two chambered heart. It hurts me so much and I couldn’t hold my tears even if I was in crowd. While in the room I kept my door wide open so that I can see people coming and going and it will help me to cease my tears falling. Yet, it was falling down and I could see few drops on my chair. I shout at myself that I have to make my parents happy. In order to make them happy I just need to follow whatever they decide and do what they want. But it rings only in my head, my heart wants only him.

Occasionally, I hate myself for being naive, not putting my words into action. I hated myself for letting emotions to over take me. I hate myself for being so sympathy and soft hearted. I used to be a good resistance to any circumstances but when I needed the most to resist this time, I completely fail. I couldn’t withstand the pain. I let the tears to drop and waited for its completion, but it seemed to be endless. Forget about the meals, even the coffee I drank to gain energy was reluctant to flow through pharynx and esophagus. Rather it started choking and ceases my appetite. Then I realize the dialogue used in love stories, in novel and movies are not just exaggeration. It really has a deep meaning. Back then, when I was not in love, I just make joke out of it and felt funny. But now, when I have to face this reality, it’s overwhelming my ideology. My well planned routines were demolished, making me uninterested in any events. Why this feeling is so power that pin me down on earth. It seems like chemical reactions were stop inside my body. The blood circulations lost their ways because I wasn’t getting enough oxygen to breath, strength to walk, talk and to think.  Only the tear glands function well that it produces sufficient tears in my eyes.

On the 3^rd day of devastation I reconstruct my principle that true love exist in this earth. Parents cannot depart a soul which is made out of true feelings. Now, I am going to work hard to make them happy and show the world that wealth can be lost if we have it,  and acquired if we don’t have. I understand that money talks, and I also understand that my only parents dream is to make me successful and want the best for their children. But, if we are born poor that’s not our problem and if we die poor then it’s our problem. So, it’s all up to us how to lead the world and make it work.

Parents should also consider the other side of the family. They will also want their son or daughter to get the best. They also expect their son or daughter to marry highly qualified and wealthy influential family.  So, until we have good health, wealth could be made anytime. And remember we are not here to stay forever. We have to leave everything and resign from this world, that time we cannot take wealth, name and fame. 

The Harmony

The Harmony

05^th February 2016, the most remarkable day in my life, that will never extinct from my memory. The event was scheduled in many different days but due to some inconvenience and other coinciding events didn’t let it happen and we had to keep on changing the date. Back then when I was in high school though I saw many people playing guitar, I didn’t have any feeling of interest towards it. Swiftly, when I was applying for AUW scholarship program I was most attracted by the guitar club here.

I wasn’t sure how far I can learn and play myself. But I was well assured that I will be part of guitar club. I have no idea since when and from where this interest developed in me. I couldn’t learn single chord in first year due to my late entry. I was bit dishearten at that time but I was recovered hastily as I will be in AUW for again 4 more years.

From 2^nd year 2013, my learning began. The class was twice a week and couldn’t learn many chords. After few weeks, the blisters bloom on my finger tips and skin were so hard and coarse in that area. I felt little pain at the same time. The learning of shifting my fingers from one chord to another was another tiring and unyielding thing I encounter.  I felt I can never do that. Sometimes it frustrated me and I resign from learning for few months. But it wasn’t a good decision. Again, I started from beginning in another year. There are my few friends equally fascinated like me. We encouraged ourselves and console ourselves. We even planned to perform in guitar concert on that year, 2014. But it was in vain. While sitting on the floor and gazing at the performers was most painful and remorse feelings that I was going through. But I managed to offer a round of applause and cheer them up.

That feel has never vanished from my and indeed it act as a catalyst and it activated my hard work towards learning guitar. Finally, on 5^th Feb. my friend and I gathered all the courage and confident and came on the stage. We were quite nervous in the beginning since it’s our first show with guitar. But the practice we did for months and months make us more confident and calm.  

Now, we can do it with less practice and less nervous. CHEERS!! Dragon Girls!!

   

 So Called “Alcohol”          

                                    

I know you didn’t do any harm to me neither I do for you.

And you must know that we are strangers

Since the day I realize your existence in this world

I started to hate you.

Why do you do this? How many more years will you exist here?

People loses jobs; you created misunderstanding between couples,

Misunderstanding in family, you cause accidents

And you make people fall in love with you

What magic do you do to people?

And why do you do this?

Can’t you see the devastation you produce?  

Can’t you see the misery and tragedy you bring?

I hate you because you make people worst

Hate you because you made people arrogant

Now people become worst than animals

You make people to forget their purpose of life

I envy you because many people like you

Though you don’t have any good personality

And they forgot about their love ones

To be honest I am eagerly waiting for your extinction.

Not only me, there are thousands of people like me

What good things did you do to my people?

My family and my friends, Nothing!

So, please I beg you not to influence my people. 

We the Family

A place away from home, amidst a busy SAARC facet

 A family in a place we cherish not,

A tooting driver and hooting Rickshaw, unruly crowd

The Dragons fare! Up high in the midst of trouble

Labeling Drukpa, the name we take pride in

We the Bhutanese in the land they call a land of poet,

          Are like siblings who help in all situations.

We seek for sister-hood relationship, happiness and care.

Unlike other students we the Drukpas  live as “team”

Our characters, comportment and behavior comes naturally,

As we are born in the land of Thunder Dragon,

Adhered to the philosophy One People, One Nation

Following the paradigm of Gross National happiness,

We have more than twelve different countries student

At AUW, they are all fascinated by the idea of GNH,

They wonder how we measure happiness rather than product

They were deeply startled by the endurance of our Royals.

Though the country is tiny, it is jubilant and people are ecstatic

We are blissful with our father the Druk Gyalpo Jigme Singye Wangchuck

Praying and wishing for long live, eternity of tranquility in his life,

And immensely grateful for guiding the country and People

Above are only things that I could evince  

No words can describe you, your majesty! Epitome of all rulers,

Nothing can measure your love towards people and country your majesty!

The Bhutanese, ever so grateful, under your reign, can only pray for your eternal life.

You fought for us, toiled for us, faced our fears, changed out vulnerability,

To what end?  But to make a better place for us

We are intensely, deeply, and truly grateful to you

May you live long Your Majesty! May the Dragon Shine Forever,

May your legacy reach eons down the history, May your astute remain ever higher.

May Palden Drukpa beget another ruler Like You! Your Majesty!.

The Season

We encounter different colors in nature 

The mountains wrap with green trees

The gardens and valleys filled with blossoms

Generating varieties of delicious scent

Bees competing over nectars, bird chirping

And the whole earth becomes alive.

Now the students started their busy schedule

The days seems longer

Children quickening for ice-cream

Somewhere people die longing for stream,

Some suffer for shelter,

But some lives in everlasting joy.

Yet, an alive begin to die,

Scents and noise vanishes bit by bit

The greenery transform into diverse color.

Leaves unhurriedly fall down

And cover up roads and paths

I cannot beg them to stay longer.

Students become serious in revision

Ultimately, the fallen leaves buried under soil,

Dusty and windy over takes and places

Students are blissful to gallop home

Some cries over mess up examination

Some worry and mourn for parting

The days are frozen and chilly

People exit to gather lumbers

Some leave to purchase feathery outfit

Oh! Winter has arrived. The beauty of naure!